I am part of the Baby Boomer generation, the “me” generation whose mottos included: Question the Establishment, Don’t Trust Anyone Over 30 and Turn On, Tune In, Drop Out.  Despite our self-absorbed interests and behavior, we’ve also had a huge impact on the women’s movement and race relations. There are a number of positive changes to our culture due to my generation.  As is common with change however,  sometimes the pendulum swings too far, and in this case, it appears through a lack of manners, respect, and common courtesy. Unfortunately, I think my generation has taught this to subsequent generations and it is getting worse, not better.

As a child, my co-horts and I were taught to shake hands, say “How do you do, Mr./Mrs. X?” and call elders by last name until given permission to use their first name.  Today, I am introduced to people’s children by first name only.  The children don’t extend their hands nor do they learn different ways (and reasons) to address people because that’s not what they’re taught.  In Driver’s Ed, we were taught to drive to the next exit or the next corner to turn around if we hadn’t moved over to the far right lane to exit the freeway, or realized belatedly our turn was just ahead.  Today, people quickly cut across two (or more) lanes of traffic to access the exit, and they hold up local traffic waiting for a break to move over to turn at this corner. When crossing a parking lot we watched for cars and took the shortest route to get out of their way, and we walked along the side by the parked cars, not down the middle of the lane where the cars were driving.  I can hear parents saying “Get out of the way, there’s a car coming!  Look where you’re going!”  Now people take their time, meandering diagonally through the parking lot or down the middle of the lane, seldom concerned whether there is a car following. (Hopefully it’s not a car with acceleration problems.)

The Air Traffic Controller is another example of lack of consideration for others.  If kids are out of school, a back-up plan is important, and infringing on your employer and co-workers is not the back-up plan. Without a back-up plan, you stay home with your child.  Kids get bored, they don’t sit still, their voices get loud, they have short attention spans and work isn’t a fun place for them for very long. You aren’t giving your full attention to your job if you are watching your child while at work.  Few co-workers will voice their disapproval and concerns about the disruption to the parent who brings the kid(s) to the office.

When appropriate, we can relax our standards whether it’s language, behavior, dress, or professionalism.  It’s a challenge to raise our standards if the basics weren’t there in the beginning.  I hope we Boomers, who received the gift of being taught these basics, can be better role models going forward.  There’s still time to share with others the reasons and how to demonstrate more polite, thoughtful, respectful, and responsible behavior when interacting at work, on the road, in the parking lot, wherever.

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Many people know they have values of family, home, good work ethic, and not stealing, cheating or lying.  However they often aren’t aware of the core values they hold dear.  If Tiger examined his core values, maybe he’d discover his above statement is inaccurate regarding his current situation.  Perhaps his core values include adventure and risk-taking and those may be higher-held than the values of loyalty and commitment. There’s no judgement here.  We all prioritize our values and make choices.  With awareness, we can make conscious choices aligned with our higher-held values, rather than our lower-held values.  When we honor our higher-held values, we cause less pain to ourselves and others.

Values aren’t right or wrong, they simply are, and they can change over time.  Knowing one’s values allows one to make conscious choices which honor those values and prevent a conflict such as Tiger’s current situation.  If he values adventure and risk-taking above loyalty and commitment, it may be fair to say he was not true to his core values when he chose to enter into a committed relationship and marry.  Which is the bigger transgression?  Adventure and risk-taking may be fitting core values, and advantageous, for a competitive professional athlete.

People find themselves at odds with their core values many times without realizing it and it’s often because of lack of knowledge of their core values.  Consider:

• The woman who spends “too much” time at work and not enough at home.  She may be honoring her core values of achievement and recognition which are met through work rather than home.
• The man who thinks life isn’t much fun any more, as he goes through the motions day-to-day.  He may not be honoring his core value of fun and he’s not looking for ways to incorporate fun into his life on a daily basis.
• The woman who never seems to rise to her potential may actually be honoring her values of community and partnership over accomplishment and responsibility.
• The man who is struggling with transition may find it harder than others because his core values of balance and security aren’t being met.

It’s important to understand what your core values are and your definition or meaning of each value.  With this awareness, you can make choices in alignment with your higher-held core values.  You can alleviate the feeling that life is unfulfilling, stressful and troublesome, as Tiger is presumably now experiencing.

Visit my website (www.asirk.com) and click on “About Coaching” to download your free Values Clarification Worksheet.

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Recently I was on a shuttle to the airport with two men I didn’t know.  One was very concerned he was going to miss his flight as he was running late.  I told him to be positive, to know he would make the flight.  He agreed and then said “but just in case, I’ll get my confirmation pulled up on my phone to re-book.”  The other man and I laughed and told him he wasn’t being positive.  Being positive means eliminating the doubt; not giving room for the “in case”, “what if” or “probably not” to slip in and settle in your thoughts.  When the doubt creeps in, it defeats the positive outcome you want.  Then when the positive doesn’t materialize, you acknowledge it with the thought “I knew it wouldn’t really happen.”  Be honest, you were thinking that all along.

I challenge you to a week, a day, an hour of positive, supportive thoughts and words.  Silence the negative, silence the doubt.  Be aware how often you allow the words you think and say to sabotage you, rather than support you!

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Here’s another option and it makes so much more sense!  When your head hits the pillow, recognize all the positive things that happened during the day.  Recall the calmness you chose when you let the person queeze in front of you on the freeway.  Think about the compliment you received from a friend.  Remember the pride at being given a special project at work.  Feel the love from caring family members and know how appreciated you are.  Let those positive experiences turn in to affirmations about how worthy, loved, capable and competent you are.  What a gift to yourself to have your subconscious marinate in those thoughts while you’re sleeping!   

Sweet dreams!

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What about other events and milestones you reach – how are they celebrated? Are you aware of them? Think about the myriad of choices you make each day and the ones you strive to make. Today I: exercised; learned how to create a website; approached someone to increase my network; was patient; let the dishes sit for 20 minutes to talk longer with my friend, significant other, child, parent; told someone no; drank more water; made a conscious choice to honor my values; smoked one less cigarette; spoke up in a meeting; laughed out loud; watched less TV; accepted a compliment; reused, recycled or reduced; stopped my gremlin from telling me I’m not capable or good enough; gave a customer (or sales person) direct eye contact; ate healthier; let someone else go first. You can think of many more.

These items are insignificant, you say. They may seem small; and yet, they can be the foundation for something much bigger! Little moments can have an impact on your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. You can be modeling behavior which gives others permission and courage to do the same. Take a moment to recognize what you accomplish and who you are being. Pat yourself on the back, share the achievement with someone else, write about it in your journal, tweet it, or put a purple star sticker on your calendar – like the ones that made you happy in grade school.

When you were a toddler, you received lots of encouragement to continue to attempt walking, despite the number of times you ended up on your bottom. People clapped, smiled and cheered for you and even held out toys for you to play with once you navigated your way to them. Over the years, the encouragement has become less and you’re expected to get off your bottom on your own. There’s nothing wrong with a little celebration for whatever you accomplish, and for however you get off your bottom! Shout YeeHAA! CELEBRATE!

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